The current health model has failed you. It has failed all of us. The new healthcare model that is emerging will house the capacity for the physician to actually partner with the patient to collectively improve his or her health. This new model is known as functional medicine. It deals with finding the root cause of the patient’s symptoms and problems. Some in the healthcare industry may call it “magic,” “fairy dust,” or “snake oil.” Call it what you will, but if the results are there, then it is rather tough to argue against, isn’t it? Think about that for a moment. Your current doctor attempting to argue how current, unsuccessful “scientific” medical practices are somehow superior to functional medicine’s effective approach—now that’s true Health Perversity. Not what you expected for the title of a “health” book, is it? Good! Then we have started off on the right foot. The problem I see today in general is that the most popular blogs posts, articles, and books all have to do with giving people the recipe for success. That success ispromised no matter what endeavor the buyer is looking to achieve. It could be health, business, leadership, marriage, parenting, etc. Yet, the most common theme is that the buyer isn’t successful. For if the buyer were successful, then all authors and coaches would be out of jobs. And we can’t have that now, can we? In health, as with any endeavor worth pursuing, no recipes for success exist. Even the avenues or trials that result in success must be tweaked, every now and then, due to the body’s tendency to adapt. Yet, the majority of those who start their health journeys end up quitting before they ever see any lasting progress. Why might that be? Could it be that they are chasing unicorns? Could it be that their hopes and dreams aren’t strong enough to control their habitual tendencies? Or could the attempted escape velocity of their new habits be inadequate to overcome the gravitational pull of their existing habits? The purpose of this book is indeed to ensure your “success.” Follow the rules laid out here and you are guaranteed 100 percent success at health failure. To succeed at failing in the pursuit of your health goals every single time. Brace yourselves, because the pages that follow are written in a rather sarcastic, smart-ass tone—one so eloquently deemed by my business partner and brother, Blaine, as “smartassm.” With so many books written directly with instructions for how to become healthy, and yet with so many readers still struggling to achieve health, I figured why not approach it from a different angle. So now the question might be, “Why would anyone want to intentionally fail at becoming healthy?” which of course might best be answered with another question: Can anyone truly be healthy if they don’t know how to become unhealthy?